I had no choice but to be forced to believe in myself

I played basketball in college and got a scholarship. I did that for two years before I went into the service. I could never take good direction and then I decided to go into the military. I felt college had gotten boring. I had no choice but to be forced to believe in myself, which made me stronger.

The start of anything you want to do that’s worth doing is going to meet adversity, issues that you have to overcome. Making the decision to go into the military; something that I had to overcome was fear, that fear of dying. Basic training was one of my first military adversities. It was hard because I was the tall, light skinned guy that had personality and was obviously different. You can easily see it. I didn’t ask for it, you know. But everywhere I go somebody figures out where I’m lacking and they attack it. I actually got into trouble for defending myself to a drill sergeant.

My grandmother raised me so coming from that life of struggling, poverty I made the decision to leave. I didn’t understand what I was getting into. I became an interrogator and a source operator at 21. It changed me in different ways. I met people that would give me all of the hard comings. You know when they say you don’t get anything easy in this life, you have to work for it. That was every day. I didn’t get a break. I didn’t get a chance to breathe. Everywhere I looked somebody was trying to get something, trying to get me in trouble, make me feel bad or something. The military has their own code.

Myself is something I had to overcome. I had to grow up and raise my consciousness. I retired when I was 27 from the service. I get a paycheck for the rest of my life. And I go to the musicians Institute now. I created this world for myself. I had to figure out what to do to make a life amazing. 

I had to learn at 22 that my mother and father were first cousins. I felt perfect and normal like everyone else but I didn’t understand what that meant when I found out. Once I took the information in, I processed it and I went through a lot. I hated my dad and loved him. I hated my mom and loved her for lying to me. I have issues where I go into PTSD moments. I had to go to the hospital and then get out and continue like nothing happened. Every time something like that happened I had to step up and keep on going.

I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest for a long time. This is a blessing this means a lot that you came by and it means a lot to me. I can’t even talk to the therapist about this kind of stuff.

I have 3 daughters. The thing about my kids is that I never left them alone long enough to where I couldn’t be there to defend them. So those girls, they inspire the crap out of me. As kids our only God is our mom and dad. They feed us, they love us, take care of us, they make sure our life is straight. And I have to take that responsibility as a man on this earth to be their God, to take care of them and to love them and make sure that they don’t have those problems.  

My babies give me everything. They make me feel good, unconditionally.

When I was a little kid I had an Ernie. I had a big one though and that was my doll. I also had a Steve Urkel doll with a the string in the back. They were my little friends. They never said anything bad because they didn’t talk. They just chill and as a kid that is all I ever wanted. Just to chill. Let’s go chill. Those dolls and those stuffed animals were there just chilling. I played with them, make them fight, you make them fly. These are my friends. And they aren’t just going to run away.