“Years of misery to have a couple years of bliss”
I am a budtender at a local dispensary. I claim most of my life that weed saved me and gave me an opportunity to relate to people. It was a lifestyle choice. Everyone who was smoking it was, they were doing it to bring a group together. It was usually more than just getting high.
I just got the job and I’m remembering all the stuff from when I was a kid. It’s really sentimental. It’s really cool to feel like I’m part of some kind of community again, still because of marijuana. It’s kind of what is saving me. I was living in LA and I had to move over here because I got addicted to alcohol, so I ditched out on everybody and everything. I’ve been feeling like I’ve had nobody for the last couple years. I smoke weed, no alcohol. It’s been two years, not two years straight. I’ve had a week here and there, like a birthday, I did celebrations. I was very polite about it. I didn’t see anything weird about it. It was a really comfortable thing for me to do. I’m just nervous about it still, so “let’s keep it out. Let’s not go back down that hole.”
You just got to do a little self work. I’m practically alone here. I watch the place for my friend and it’s one of the most convenient helpful things for my situation. It’s beautiful and gorgeous. I couldn’t ask for anything better. I feel I worked hard for it. Years of misery to have a couple years of bliss and self discovery, getting things figured out. Every day I will sit down and make a list of all my priorities and make sure that what I’m doing lines up with what I want to be doing. I don’t think people even realize how often they are running from themselves. I’ve had a lot of cool help. I have rad friends. One of my best friend’s, his mom is like this amazing self-help guru. She’s wonderful. He has a lot of wisdom in his heart and I’ve worked for him the last couple of years.
I had a stuffed rabbit and I kind of looked at it one day and I realized it had been hiding and I starting thinking about where it came from and I don’t think this belongs in my life any more and I need to make this video for my friend’s birthday. In the video I totally de-headed, I ripped the head off on the video and pulled the stuffing out. It was a really liberating thing. Now it is sitting there headless. I got it 8 years ago. I have no hate in my heart, none at all it’s petty and fun. I use to take it with me everywhere. It had 2 hearts in it. I made it on tour. It was kind of a joke at first. I thought it was cute at first. It’s nice to be sentimental with humans. I would strap him onto my backpack and he would come with me everywhere that I went.